4 reasons why open marriage doesn’t work

in Marriage Tips

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Romantic relationship is always steamy and exciting at first. You always can’t have enough of hugging, kissing and love making. Everything is new and fresh. However, it doesn’t take long before the novelty wears off and when it does; sex is the very first thing to go. Life then starts to become boring and routine.

But some people aren’t willing to stay in a boring marriage. Since they’re created smart and capable of problem solving, they’ve designed a way to fix the problem – an open marriage. Instead of finding ways to enhance romance in their marriage, they seek for a more risk-taking solution.

Why not open marriage? You remain married and you continue to love each other, everything stays the same other than you both are free to have sex outside marriage. Exciting!

On a non-conventional mind, this arrangement presents some good things. A busy wife who juggles home making and career plus having to have sex with husband six times a week becomes extremely exhausted. Whenever she starts saying “no” to sex, there are lots of fights. An open marriage is a good solution. She’s no longer required to perform her duty whenever she doesn’t feel like it. The husband can just go out and scout for a night prey. Likewise, the husband doesn’t have to chase his tired wife whenever he feels the urge. Not only that, he doesn’t have to feed himself with the same menu all the time. The choices available for him are varied.

These people have become experimental and they’re committed to prove to the world that this arrangement can actually work. But guess what? It may seem to work for some time, but it doesn’t lasts.

Let’s take as an example this anonymous blogger we’ll call Mr. X who openly shared about his journey with his wife through their open marriage. At the end, he honestly admitted that what he thought was a great open marriage was actually not real. But failures aside, let’s examine the cons of open marriage and how it contributed to the final break down of their marriage.

1. An open marriage cannot bridge the gap in marriage

A hungry husband who’s fed and satisfied by other women outside the house won’t go home to his wife beaming with happiness and feeling connected to her just as he would be if he had a satisfying sex with her.

A wife who might be involved with other men won’t go home to her husband ready to jump on bed for another round if she isn’t emotionally connected to him. After all, a woman isn’t willing to make love with a man unless she feels valued, emotionally safe and taken cared of.

Mr. X complained that he demands only twice a week of sex but he gets barely twice in two months from his wife. Whenever he complains, she sarcastically reminds him that they have an open marriage. That barely twice in two months is almost none at all. There’s a big question “Why?” Women aren’t only all about libido. They’re more about romance.

2. An open marriage destroys that very important element in marriage which is trust.

You know that your wife has had sex with several (perhaps lots of) men and the next time you have sex with her, you trust that she’s clean, free of STDs. You know that your husband spends some portion of his money chasing other women just to get laid and when he tells you he didn’t spend that much, you believe him.

Who are you kidding?!

3. An open marriage promotes jealousy, anger and more nagging in marriage.

Mr. X blamed his wife for nixing his mistress out of jealousy. He reasoned that it takes him a whole lot of work to earn a mistress who’d take a crappy bargain just to be nixed by wife. And “that’s when the house of cards came tumbling down.”

I thought that the first arrangement was to keep in love with each other while free of having sex outside marriage. If Mr. X’s wife is jealous, that means that she’s still in loved with him, otherwise, she wouldn’t care. There’s probably another communication gap here. When wife said that he’s free to have sex outside, she was actually thinking of only call girls and one night stands. Mistresses are excluded because they present emotional threats. You bet there’s a lot of fighting and nagging out of jealousy.

4. An open marriage does not give fair advantage to both husband and wife.

This is one of Mr. X’s most important rants; he doesn’t get as much sex opportunities as wife gets outside marriage. While plenty of men are eager to jump to bed with his wife, not too many women are willing to do so with him. Few women accept his “crappy bargain” of no string attaches and if they do, they require much work. So who gets more sex?

Well, maybe not always wife. This is because when she gets older, she becomes less attractive to other men while husband becomes wiser and better. That explains the more jealousy from his wife later in their open marriage.

Why you should say NO to open marriage?

God never intended marriage to be open. He clearly said in Matthew 19:5-6 “For this shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife and shall become one flesh. Wherefore they are no longer twain but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder.”

Some couple experiment open marriage on their search for happiness and fulfillment in marriage. But it never works because it’s not God’s plan. He designed love and sex to be enjoyed within marriage. It’s a gift that husband and wife are to enjoy together as one flesh.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with open marriage?

Photo by: Ed

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