Behind Every Poor Husband Is An Irrational Wife, Or Is It?

in Marriage Talk

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About a month ago a newspaper article caught my reflective attention and probably some of you have seen or even read it on that day. The title says, “Men were right all along, our hormones Do make us women irrational.”  I didn’t grab the newspaper to read but I reacted on the title and thought, “Why? Didn’t you know it from the beginning? I mean, we (women) have always been like that and it’s only now that you realized its verity?”

What he said and what I heard

A couple of weeks ago, I sort of contrived a situation in order to have something to write about. But it wasn’t started intentionally.  It was Saturday afternoon, my husband was flicking movies online when I joined him in the computer room.  I normally leave him alone when he’s watching internet movies.  But this time I wanted to share the rest of the afternoon with him and suggested we watch a documentary, the only genre we both enjoy. Normally he’s into action, sci-fi, horror and the likes. So while checking the titles, I picked a few that I deemed interesting. But he declined each time and I heard him say, “But I will be bored.”  I didn’t like what I heard and instantly I got up from the chair and said, “Fine, enjoy your movies by yourself” and went upstairs.


I wasn’t really gutted but I convinced myself that what he did was uncalled for. I turned my netbook and browsed the web about pregnancy and stuff. A few minutes later he came upstairs and I pretended to ignore him but in my mind was saying, “So did your conscience bother you and you came to apologize?” When he climbed on the bed and checked what I was doing, I closed the browser. When he started a conversation I gave him a poker face. He undoubtedly read the message and left me alone. Not long after, I went to bed.

Seldom do I sleep through the night and this time is no different than the others. I woke up still alone on the bed and when I checked the phone clock it said five minutes to one.  Picking up from where I left off before hitting the hay, I formulated this thought, “So he gets bored watching a documentary with me but he doesn’t get bored watching a movie by himself!” I picked the phone to call his. I did it twice and hang up before he had a chance to answer it. I didn’t wanna say a word. I was just sending him a signal. He got it and I heard the sound of a computer shutting down. I needed to use the bathroom but I heard his footsteps going that way so I stayed in bed waiting for my turn. I was fuming! When he came to the bedroom, I got up and cursed his movies and computer, my voice, low but firm, echoed in the stillness of the night. That night there was a wide gap in between us just like the Red Sea when the people of Israel passed through.

The Experiment

The next day, I got up early to go to my cooking club and in the afternoon went to a baby shower party. No effort was made whatsoever to communicate with him. Still mulling over the thought that he gets bored with me, I have decided to give him a silent treatment for the whole week. No cooking for him either. Everyday, I got up early to go to the city and spend my day in the library.

Coming home from work on Monday night, he went straight to bed. I was silently observing him. Normally, he would stay up late and watch a film or two. Tuesday morning, I went up to the city and again on Wednesday. Each night we were facing opposite directions. I intentionally made the simple situation worse with the thought of a good culmination. I was kinda experimenting on the idea that when two people are pulled apart they get back to each other closer than before.

If my husband finds out that I was making our marriage a guinea pig, I wonder what he would say. I’m pretty sure he will think I’m out of my mind. Anyway, my plan didn’t go well as intended but the end result was what I was hoping for.

The Confrontation

On Thursday morning, I didn’t successfully get up early enough.  It was halfway through the noon and I was still in the kitchen making breakfast. He got his chance and caught me. He tried to break the ice by his clumsy communication skill. He found a mouldy food in the fridge and told me off about it. In my mind I watched us like in a movie, but because I knew exactly what was going on,  I couldn’t contain myself and laughed out loud at the situation we were in. But the hormone went down as soon as it went up. I went upstairs to nurse my fragile emotion.  He followed and found me crying. We confronted the situation in a rather awkward manner. When I told him what was bothering me he gently and lovingly explained his side. He said that he didn’t mean to say he was bored with me but that he was going to get bored watching those documentaries I picked because he had seen them. When I went upstairs he kept on finding one and when he did, followed me to tell me about it but he thought I was busy with my netbook and didn’t want to bother me. I asked accusingly if he watched it by himself and he said that he watched something else that I don’t like (one of his type of films). Anyway, aware that he had somewhat ignored me, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else. I told him I didn’t wanna go anywhere but I just wanted to make a patio in the back garden so we could stay there when the weather is nice.

The Outcome

Just what I was hoping to achieve at the end of my silly experimentation, we got closer to each other. However, I think and feel that the means I used cannot be justified even if the end turned out right.

Anyway, while thinking about my next OBM post, I remembered the article title and sent my ever-reliable assistant, Google, to fetch it for me so I could read it.  I’m pretty sure, my experience is exactly what the article was about.  He was back in no time at all with just the right item requested. I have an amazing PA, don’t you think? True enough, I found the write-up so spot on. But of course I knew it all along. So why did I get caught unaware? Is it because men were right all along?

Do you find yourself in a similar situation?

Photo credit: shutterstock

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