I was married in a Civil registrar–far from my ideal wedding–with the thought that I would get a proper one in the Philippines. But after a couple of years I didn’t feel like doing it again anymore. Because, really, what’s the point? Okay, I wanted to wear a “proper” wedding gown and walk down the aisle but in the long run, how will it really contribute to the success of my marriage?
Being a sensible spender–or maybe a tightwad–my husband always contradicted me whenever I mentioned about my “proper wedding” idea. He said that it wasn’t necessary. But for me it was very important that I wear a wedding dress. He told me that we could do it during our 10th anniversary. But that was too long to wait and I would resent everytime we talked about it and I ended on the losing side.
But I wasn’t fazed. I told myself that I would save enough money and no matter what I’m going to have my “proper” wedding. And if my husband refused then I’d declare the groom is in absentia on the invitation card. I’d go that far just to get what I wanted.
However, over the years, I have come to accept it. If I wanted to have a proper wedding, I should have done it in the first place. I made hasty decisions and now I have to pay the consequence. Consequently, I don’t even want to spend money on a “proper wedding” because I wouldn’t feel the thrill anymore. So really, I don’t see the point of doing so. Besides, there are other stuff that needs financial attention and my priorities have changed. (Again, my husband was right and I was wrong.)
Wrong supposition, hasty decision
When, at first, my then fiance who is now my husband was asking me to move to the UK, I thought, “Uh-oh, I hate facing consuls.” I am a very clumsy communicator and my worst experiences are interviews. I had been denied by the US embassy twice and I have developed a phobia. So when I told Frankie about it he was saddened. He asked me more than once to try again. He tried to assured me that this time it’s not an American consul but a British one and that they shouldn’t be as strict as the former.
On the other hand, tradition dictates that it’s the woman who joins her husband and it was unlikely that Frankie would move to Bangkok with me he has settled in the UK whereas I was just a temporary immigrant in Thailand. Then I thought I had enough of the Asian sun and I wanted to move to a cooler country.
Frankie’s request was hard to refuse but my phobia was getting in the way. I was torn. So I searched online forums on what the easiest way to get a visa to the UK is. And according to those who have experience, it’s the fiance visa.
Now a fiance visa to the UK costs a fortune, not to mention the solicitors fee which I feel is absolutely a ripoff. Spending all that money, I thought to myself, I’m not going to break my fiance’s bank because I want a lavish wedding. We’ve spent so much for my visa processing and I wished we knew a better way.
So, although against my freewill, I agreed to get married in a civil wedding set-up and not wearing my dream wedding dress. It was like a nightmare that haunted me for countless days and nights but because I consented I had to hold my peace. I really thought I would get a proper one when Frank and I would visit the Philippines. But like I mentioned earlier, what for? If I push through, it is just going to be a display, a superficial one, and I hate pretensions especially if money is involved. I’m a grown-up now and I care more for what I feel than what other might think. Afterall, a proper wedding is not the key to a successful marriage anyway. Talk about divorce. Yea, I told myself, it’s not a foolproof for divorce. So why should I bother?
A word of advice
This is, however, not an argument that I am trying to impose to others. In fact, I am going to emphasize it to ladies especially those who are planning to get into an offbeat marriage. There is no better time to have your dream wedding in the beginning. If you wanna walk down the aisle with your dream wedding dress, by all means, do it for yourself.
Before you give your hard-earned money to ripoff solicitors, do a search on how to process the application. Ask others who have done it and the forums are an excellent source of information.