Recently I became addicted to a true to life story show from a Philippine channel which features stories submitted by viewers. Because I don´t live in the Philippines, I get access to these show through websites. I like watching it because it tackles life´s struggles of many Filipino people and how they deal with life. Their stories teach worthwhile lessons and it serves as a window for me to the other side of life. They always give inspirations.
One story which really stuck in me is of a man who grew up in a very cruel family, a cruel step-mother, a gullible and cruel father, and a coward older brother. As a young boy, his step-mom didn’t like him and with every little mistakes, she would tie him on a tree where there was an ant kingdom and the step-mom would disturb the ants so that he would be bitten horribly, whole day.
He would shout for help because the pain was unbearable but his older brother was always too scared to help him and the neighbors simply didn´t care. When the father comes home in the evening, the step-mom would tell him how bad his son was during the day and he would beat him with belt to the sole satisfaction of his wife.
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When the young boy couldn´t bare the cruelty at home anymore and feeling unloved, he ran away. He grew up in the streets and learned to defend himself in order to survive. He was a good man but was always triggered by other evil people and when he becomes angry, he fights with his fists while thinking of his cruel step-mother and he punches the enemies to death.
For three times he was sent to jail but because he had killed due to self-defense, he was always released in at most four years. After he completed serving the penalty for his first crime, he fell in loved and married a loving and caring woman. He was a good husband and father to his three young children but while on his way home one night after receiving his monthly salary, he was robbed. His young family needed his money and he had to defend himself, he ended up killing the three robbers, only with his fist.
His family suffered a lot every time he was sent to jail but he was helpless to his anger. Every time he was confronted with danger he transforms into that little child beaten by cruel parents and he feels the need to defend himself, only too overwhelmed with anger.
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On the third time that he was in jail, a missionary have advised him to learn to forgive and let go of his anger. Unless he confronts his childhood pain and let go of it, he´ll always remain a helpless child. Slowly he was convinced that it´s the anger that ruins him and he decided to wrote his father a letter and inform him that he´d forgiven him. Through his letter he found out that his father and older brother had for a long time died.
When he was released from jail, he was a new man. He now has a good job and is active in the church. He lives with his happy family.
What is Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity is your ability to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions defeat the better part of you. Being emotionally matured you´re able to check your emotions, to evaluate others’ emotional state and to persuade their judgment and actions.
Emotional maturity is very much influenced by your relationship history. Together with intellectual intelligence and relationship intelligence, emotional intelligence makes an important aspect in life.
So if you had a difficult childhood and a difficult relationship with your parents or siblings, your emotional maturity is greatly affected.
On the other hand, if you grew up in an overly protective environment and you were not taught to handle difficulties or to develop a good sense of responsibility, you´re less likely an emotionally matured person.
Learn about the process toward psychological and spiritual maturity, this book is recommended by many, How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual Integration.
How Does Emotional Maturity Contribute to Marriage Success
Emotional maturity gives you advantages in tackling any relationship. You know what you want and how to make it happen. You set goals and work hard to achieve them instead of simply letting tomorrow handle itself. You think sooner than acting and you´re able to choose your words even in the midst of anger and to control your behavior.
You are self-reliant and self actualized, you don´t depend on your spouse to complete you or to support your entire existence. You´re also not needy.
Patience is very important in marriage. You need to accept and let go of some tiny shortcomings of your spouse and help him/her improve. You also need to spend time bonding with your spouse (and children) to cultivate relationship. But unless you´re emotionally matured, you won´t be able to meet these needs.
If you or someone close to you feel they need to make some changes in the way they choose relationships in their lives, get this book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving.
Being supportive and caring to your spouse, acting honestly and living with integrity are other characteristics expected of you.
Most importantly, because marriage is expected to be met with challenges and difficult situations somewhere down the road, you need to have the capacity to tackle them positively.