During our wedding reception, each of our parents was called to deliver some speech. There were quite a few good things that I heard worthy to contemplate upon but what really struck me was the message from my mom. She said that we were just on the first stage of our journey together, that there are plenty of trials to come which will test our love for each other, but that no matter how bad things are, our only weapon is to focus on the good sides of each other. It did sink in. I left the wedding venue that night with her words echoing my mind.
Even before I and my husband got married we already discovered some little things that we did not like about each other. I hate how he gets easily irritated and impatient during stressful times while he hates my being too sensitive and getting easily hurt with things that he doesn’t mean. He doesn’t like that I walk so slow that he has to tag me behind all the time while I don’t like that he walks so fast that keeping with his pace wears me quick. Since we’re still in a long distance marriage, our discovery adventure is postponed. But eventually, there’ll be more of those little things that we’ll discover on each other once we start living together.
Seeing the negative sides of your spouse isn’t a bad thing as long as you don’t focus on them. If you continue to dwell on these negatives, the feeling of dislike will breed and it won’t take long before it turns into disgust. However, if you take a positive attitude, these little things that you don’t like will quickly vanish.
Most often you see some sides of your spouse as negative because they don’t go parallel to yours, but in fact, they’re really not negative characteristics but simply differences. As you spend more time together, you learn to adapt to those differences. Dr. Julian and Annette Mendoza discussed in their book, To Couples Enjoying a Stable, Lifelong Marriage, the effects of positive attitude in a relationship. According to them, “it’s possible that a positive attitude shows up the good aspects of what might generally be considered a negative attitude.”
For example, if my husband is serious and sulky especially in stressful situations, I can take it that he’s being formal and reflective. While if he’s obsessive, workaholic and stingy, I can consider him as cautious, diligent and thrifty. Instead of my husband seeing me as weak, he can consider me as sensitive and perceptive of people’s feelings or situations. If he thinks I’m a chatterbox, he can take me as a good communicator. If he hates my being slow, he can appreciate my being wary and delicate.
Just as how positive attitude helps you achieve your dreams and maintain a healthy lifestyle, it also helps you enjoy a happy and fulfilling marriage. Therefore don’t waste time, kill those small voices that feed you with negative thoughts and revert into positive thoughts by looking on your spouse’s good side.