5 traits of a good wife – what makes a good wife good?

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traits of a good wife
Wives who are keen in making the best out of their marriage are likely to ask what makes a good wife good. Answers are relative to each person but generally, relationship experts agree and identify common characteristics that make a good wife good.

I asked this question myself and much to my delight, I found that the Bible suffice to answer it. In fact, a lot of marriage guide books are written by Christian authors based on biblical principles.

I love how Harold J. Sala in his book Making Marriage Work gave simplified and direct guidelines for wives. All of which were derived from the Bible.

So what makes a good wife good?

1. A wife is to follow the leadership of her husband.

I understand that lots of modern women of today and active feminists would raise their eyebrows toward this guideline. After all, women are more self-sufficient and self reliant now more than ever. They demanded for their rights from the society, fought for it and earned it. However, it’s the same social freedom that can feed the ego and drive her to refuse to acknowledge her husband’s leadership.

“Wives, submit yourselves into your husbands as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3: 18 “He’s not her boss and she’s not her slave, however, she is to respond to his leadership just as the husband is to respond to Christ’s.”

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I remembered when I attended a friend’s wedding few months ago. When the ceremony was over, guests started heading to the door. In front of me, I heard a couple discussing. “Did you hear that? The priest said ‘wives submit to your husbands!” The wife simply said, “Whatever!”

It’s the ego that easily challenges this principle because girls, don’t we want to do things our own way?

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands, so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be worn over without words by the behavior of their wives.” (1 Peter 3: 1)

But husbands don’t start abusing your wives just because she has to submit to your leadership. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3: 19. Wonder what are the traits of a good husband?

See: 4 traits of a good husband – what makes a good husband good

2. God’s plan is absolute loyalty to your husband.

If you check the Ten Commandments for marriage, this guideline is covered under the 3rd commandment. Women are more prone to discuss about their husbands over a cup of tea or when they meet at the market. Telling your pals about how much of a moron is your husband doesn’t really help him correct his weaknesses, instead you are running the risk of hurting your relationship. If you think you won’t be comfortable discussing things about him when he’s around that clearly signals you better keep those things to yourself. After all, putting down your spouse is also reflective of your own competence because you married him.

Note: Some cases are exemptions such as domestic violence or emotional and psychological abuse. In this case, it’s beneficial for the wife to confide about her troubles to someone whom she can trust and is capable of helping her.

Loyalty to your husband initially refers to sexual fidelity but it also includes building and boasting his confidence and establishing respect towards him from your children, family and friends.

3. The role of a wife is to be the sustainer of her husband.

It gives me goose bumps to realize that I have the power to make my husband succeed in his career or pull him into failure. “Behind every man’s success is a woman.” It’s either a wife or a mom.

The best selling author, Og Mandino, the man who wrote my favorite book “The Greatest Salesman in the World” had both mom and wife behind his success. His first wife divorced him taking their daughter with her because he was a hopeless drunkard. His life was so bleak that he almost had ended it. His mom had big dreams for him. She raised him an achiever and inculcated in him that he’ll make a famous writer someday. But she fell down dead in their kitchen while preparing breakfast one day leaving Og Mandino an orphan before he entered university. Life became very difficult for him, one failure lead to another and more failures.

But somehow he found his way to success, and while he was reshaping his life by burying himself with inspirational books about the most successful men on Earth, he met his second wife whom he said “had more faith in him than anyone else.” Bette, Og’s second wife, sustained him on his quest to achieve his mom’s dreams. Eventually, he became a world renowned writer.

See: How to Be Successful In Marriage

4. Love your husband as he is.

Brides are accused of walking down the aisle with the aim in mind of altering her husband. Somehow, I’m guilty of this. Even before the wedding I asked my then boyfriend to stop drinking. He was a very moderate drinker but I still couldn’t accept even a minor vice. Lucky for me, he agreed. However, my demands started piling for him; those requests are essentially caused by our being interfaith. While he did comply to some of my requests, he explained how difficult those demands would be for him, they require too much of sacrifices. Therefore, we had to come up with some arrangements otherwise called compromises.

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Really, if you want to see change on your partner, it has to happen before the wedding. Otherwise, you can only hope for it to happen. Also, some men comply to your demands just so they can make you marry him but eventually turn back to default after the wedding. If you can’t change him, then you have to change your attitude.

5. Keep in close touch with God.

Husbands are supposed to be the spiritual leader of the family, but the wives have to maintain close contact with God. It’s important to be prayerful.

“No matter how your husband may fail in his responsibility to be the spiritual leader, or how dismal his failure may be to you or your children, you have a responsibility to God for your life and the lives of the children under your care.

My husband is not very prayerful. But even if he doesn’t properly pray, he does what he calls talking to God. In his mind, he tells Him about what worries him or what he needs. Before we got married, I made him know that prayer is very important to me. We agreed that we will pray together every night before we go to bed. One night I was so tired that when we hit the bed, I had no plans to pray. I had no idea that my husband was quietly observing me. When he realized that I started drifting to sleep he asked, “Honey, didn’t you say we have to pray together every time we go to bed?” I felt embarrassed but at the same time grateful that whenever I feel weak in prayer, my husband is capable of reminding me.

Find out how to make his royal highness happy, The Good Wife Guide: 19 Rules for Keeping a Happy Husband.

What are your thoughts? Are there other traits that you think a good wife must possess? Are there situations which make some of these guidelines inapplicable?

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{ 3 comments }

Casol Villas France

Thank you for sharing those sound advices.

White Bhabi

I love this article. It’s so well written. The only thing I would like to add is that every woman needs a close confidant that she can talk to about anything, any time. Whether that be her mother, sister, best friend, or random stranger over the net that she will never have to face. I was the diligent wife, boosting her husbands career, striving for family excellence. I was not perfect but I devoted myself complete to my family and the church. Things that I didn’t realize were wrong were happening to me and I didn’t understand them until the abuse got serious. In my case it started out as word choices that seemed so sweet and loving. One good example, “as a Christian woman you shouldn’t go to those places.” I thought he cared and would often give up time with my friends because, after all, I loved him and he was only looking out for me. I didn’t talk to my friends about this because there was nothing wrong – or so I thought. That progressed into full blown isolation in which my friends stopped inviting me places, including non-threatening Tupperware parties. By the time I realized I was no longer leaving the house it was too late, I didn’t have any friends left that I felt I could confide in. It wasn’t until I he deployed with the military and I had a chance to see what life was like without him controlling it that I realized what had been happening all along.

That being said I completely agree women should never tell their friends negative aspects of their husbands or make him out to be a bad person. I just also believe that they should always maintain someone to talk to, whether it be over the computer, on the phone or in person to ensure things like this don’t happen to them. So to me, a good wife will possess the ability to be considerate of her husbands reputation while at the same time discussing her relationship with others.

gleenn

Very well said, White Bhabi!

Unfortunately, some husbands take advantage of their being the leader of the family. They see themselves as the boss and their wife as a possession subject to his approval ALL THE TIME. However, this is not what God had in mind when man was given the leadership. He simply was to lead, but he had to take marriage as a partnership between him and his wife.

The eighth commandment for marriage seems to be what’s mostly violated by couples. “Do not steal!” By lucking yo up in the house, prohibiting you to maintain friendships outside the house was stealing. Even after marriage, each spouse is entitled of his/her own space and time. No husband must take it away from you.

And I agree, that a confidante is important for girls. Someone whom you can trust, who listens and gives advice. Not everyone can do this job though. They must be carefully chosen – offline or online.

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